Akpos goes to a Store for groceries. He finds cat food at a very special low price. He buys a dozen cans of cat food.
The manager sees this and thinks that Akpos probably doesn't
own a cat and he might give the cat food to his children. He goes to Akpos and ask him to bring the cat as proof for him to buy the
cat food. Akpos goes and bring his cat and the manager lets
him buy the dozen cans.
A few days later Akpos finds dog
food at a low lower price. He buys adozen cans of dog food. Again the manager wants proof that he owns the dog. Akpos goes to get his dog and the manager lets him buy.
A few days later Akpos goes to the store carrying a bag. He ask the manager to put his hand in the bag and feel what is inside. After feeling what's in the bag the manager says, "What the f* # k? What is this? Is this sh*t?" Akpos nodded And replied,
"Yes I wanted to buy toilet paper and I don't want you to send
me back for proof again.
2 My dear ghanians, Its church, not"chech" Pastor, not"pastar". Doctor, not Dactar My fellow Nigerians, Its bath, not"baff". Our currency is called Naira, not"narrah"! My dear Edo people, Its argument, not"ajument" (4 wetin na?) My dear yorubas, Its Air, not"hair" Eight, not"hate" Its Van Persie, not"Fan Persin". My dear Ibadan peeps woh! hmmmmm... Its not"sun tissu"its sean tizzle! Its not"siro"but zero! My dear Hausa people, Its fifty, not"pipty". Its people, not"fiffle". Its five, not"pipe". Glo, not"gilo"! Seriously it is "Tuface weds Annie Macauley", stop saying" Toothpaste weds Animal calling" My Egun people woh! Its actually MTN and not NTM!! My dear Calabar peeps! Kindly note its love and not"rurf"!! My Benue people, its not Lick Loss, its Rick Ross Lest I forget My close Igbo people! There is nothing like "thaaasand" woh! There is thousand! It is Bedsheet and not Baysheet And its thirty, not"thartie"! Our Lord's prayer is actually "Our Father, who at in Heaven, Hallowed be your name...", and not" Our Father, look at eleven, adaobi thy name...
3 Boss says to secretary, "We are travelling abroad for the week, so make arrangements." Secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss and I will be travelling abroad for the week, so look after kids." Husband makes call to secret lover, "My wife is going abroad for the week, so let's spend the week together." Secret lover makes a call to a little boy whom she is giving private lessons, "I'm going to be busy throughout the week, so you need not come for classes." Little boy makes call to his grandfather, "Grandpa, I don't have classes for the week, because my teacher is going to be busy. Let's spend the week together." Grandpa makes a call to his Secretary, "I'm afraid we won't be travelling again. My grandson and I are going to spend the week together." Secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss has some personal matters to attend to, so our trip is cancelled." Husband makes a call to secret lover, "We cannot spend the week together, my wife has cancelled her trip." Secret lover makes a call to little boy, "We will still have classes as usual this week." Little boy makes a call to his grandfather, "Grandpa! I'm sorry we won't be able to spend the week together. My teacher called and said that I have to attend classes." Grandpa makes a call to his secretary, "Change of plans! My grandson is no more coming. So we are still travelling this week. Make arrangements." How will the chain be broken?
A local NGO office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer, Akpos. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least N15,000,000, you don't give a dime to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
Akpos mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the NGO rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
Akpos interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken NGO rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," Akpos' voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated NGO rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, Akpos cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
5. Akpos' Dad bought a Range Rover
Sport Car. Akpos' Elder Brother
struck a deal with Akpos. He told
Akpos to call him on phone when
nobody is at home so that he'll come
and take the car out to show off to his friends. When nobody was at
home Akpos called him on phone;
Hello Bros Rukevwe nobody is at
home. You can come and take
Daddy's car out. The elder brother
said okay. And rushed back home from where he was. He got home
and
was shocked to see the gate locked.
He called Akpos on phone; Hello
Akpos, i am now at home to take the
car out as planned. Why is the gate
locked?. Akpos replied; Bros Rukevwe were you not the one that
told me to call you to come and take
the car out when nobody is at home.
Mummy and Daddy are not at home. I
am not at home too.
One word for
Akpos
Good night.
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